Yer Man recalls the year’s best bits - Part 2

I ended up sending them a witty email.

But my lack of affection wasn’t my fault. They were both on holidays so electronic communication was my only means.

Before you go jumping to crazy conclusions that they were away together - my dad was in Australia while my mother was in Montenegro. Perhaps I’m not the only one with affection issues.

September - I’m no stranger to getting it in the ear from members of the public, but I must admit it came as quite a surprise when I got shouted at over a public address system last week.

It happened as I was filling up my car in a petrol station attached to a well-known supermarket while simultaneously using my mobile phone to order a Chinese.

I was in the process of ordering my tea when the pump cut out and a booming, disembodied voice shouted, “Number four!”